Reproduction Trouble
by Goddess on a Highway
Summary: The guys are getting signed up for the breeding program. Will their offspring make them proud or drive them crazy! Main pairings: Rico/Kowalski, Kowalski/Private and Rico/Ms Perky.


**The zoo needs new life to attract more visitors, so they start up a penguin breeding program. Any idiot can produce off spring, but only a few can raise them properly. Will the next generation be for better or worse? Contains uncommon love relations and weird sexual behaviour.**

**The Disclaimer: PoM is a production of Dreamworks, Eric Darnell, Tom McGrath, Nick and all the lovely people who've worked on the movies and the series.**

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Rico brushed his dolly's hair lovingly, he loved her very much but lately his feelings for Kowalski had grown. Still, he wasn't willing to choose. Just like he wasn't going to choose which gender he preferred. Males were though enough for playing rough games but females were so soft to cuddle. Neither could he choose between a living creature or an object. Ms. Perky had such lovely hair and he could carry her with him all of the time, deep in his gut. After the brief period she had spoken, he also realised how lovely it was to have a partner who didn't talk. No one told him what to do or not to do. But breathing animals could scream when he scared them, or just hold him when he was upset. The only thing he had learnt to choose, was between mammal and bird, after his short affair with King Julien, he realised how annoying they were. Though Julien let him blow things up like crazy, he wasn't going to share Ms. Perky with him.

His heart was once a solid muscle, only beating for one; but it had fallen into pieces. That's why he divided the pieces of that heart between several partners, if he was turned down again, the damage would be less severe. He could still taste the sour aftertaste of what supposed to be something sweet. Her name was Maya, a simple quetzal, but to him, the most beautiful penguin. Her colourful feathers were a sight for sour eyes, he would've done everything to seduce her into his love nest, but she always turned him down for being a penguin. He had busted up every male quetzal in Guatemala for her, but she told him he was a brute. He had single-handedly decorated the Mayan ruins of Tikal with scented candles for her, but then she called him a hoodlum for ruining the ancient temples of her ancestors' admirers, the Mayas. He had even dyed his feathers in the typical colours of the quetzal and practised their mating call, hoping she would fall for him as one of her own, but she said he was a clown and to leave her alone, cause she already had a nest.

Heartbroken, he had stuffed himself with tortillas and beans, but all he got was gas instead of comfort. Skipper who'd observed the crazy penguin's antics with amusement, had talked some sense into his mind and had taken him back home, to New York. He had seen Rico's potential to become the hitman of his team, all he needed was something to obsess about, like the quetzal. Under Skipper's influence, he had rapidly developed a passion for artillery, like his deceased father, Manfredi, whom he never met. Manfredi and his mother only had a brief encounter due to the breeding program, it was just long enough to produce Rico. Manfredi lived in the Central Park Zoo, while his mother lived in the Bronx Zoo with her partner, a G.I. Joe doll, his stepfather. That's why it was perfectly normal for Rico to have a love relation with a doll.

No, it wouldn't happen to him again. Nowadays he divided his love between Kowalski and Ms. Perky, even Private could have a share if he needed a more feminine partner. But Private didn't like it when Rico made advances, he was in love with Kowalski and he would never forgive Rico for stealing the one he loved. He certainly hated it when Rico actually cheated on Kowalski and got away with it.

Private had told Kowalski many times about Rico's attempts to seduce him, but the love-struck brainiac didn't mind. He couldn't help forgiving Rico for being unfaithful, cause he still had feelings for Doris. And he liked to toy with Private as well. They had once made an attempt to have a threesome with the younger bird, but he had ran off for a comforting Twinkies frenzy.

Skipper wasn't very fond of their relation. When his three men came out, he thought he would've gotten a heart attack but eventually, he got over it. If they were gay, he could have all the girls, that was, if there were any. What he really disliked were the hours Rico and Kowalski spent in the latter's lab, not to mention the disturbing noises they had to make. It always sounded like someone was in pain, little did he know that was their kick. They had stolen a medieval torture table from a museum to perform their sado-masochistic games.

Kowalski and Rico had the time of their lives together. Though there was no doubt about their love for each other, there were no strings attached and that's what made it work. They weren't suffocating each other and had no need for the sour side of love -jealousy. The games they played were something special between them. For an outsider it was hard to understand why they enjoyed physical pain, but it was their way to express their love; it was all about trust. These games had strict borders that couldn't be crossed. They were the ideal match for this kind of love, Rico knew all about pain and anatomy had no secrets for Kowalski, they perfectly knew how far they could go before it became really dangerous.

For Private it was worst, he was only good enough for Kowalski when Rico was with Ms. Perky. But he appreciated Kowalski's tenderness towards him, he would never treat him like he treated Rico. Private was his partner for making sweet love. Kowalski still loved Doris, too. He missed swimming with her in the ocean, and the long one-sided conversations they had about physics; that was probably the reason why she had left him for a less talkative monochromatic type, a killer whale who's idea of fun was dodging penguins and other small animals.

The operations started to lack their professionalism due to Private's aching heart, Skipper's discontent and Rico and Kowalski's extraordinary love relation. But they were all getting older, too. Skipper was almost middle-aged, Rico and Kowalski followed close behind him and Private was no longer an adolescent. Specially the latter felt a yearning deep inside, a longing for the unconditional love of a child, his own baby. Someone he could cuddle and spoil, someone who gave him all the love he had to miss now. Skipper didn't really want children, but the time that he had to pass his leadership was coming closer each day; and he wouldn't pass it over to Kowalski, like he first intended to do. His disapprove of his relation with Rico was the main reason, but he was too busy with science to be a good leader. Rico was out of the question, this mad penguin needed guidance for the rest of his life and Private was way too nice to be a good leader. Private wasn't so much the son he didn't have, but more of the daughter he never had. That's why he would do anything to keep him away from Kowalski and Rico with their sick games.

The change hadn't gone unnoticed by the zoo visitors and Alice. The zoo started to stay empty without them and their crazy antics. Alice blamed their age for it and thought the zoo needed fresh life. Newborns were the ideal way to attract visitors and gain lots of profits. That's why she signed them up for the breeding program. Due to the small exhibition, she had got only one female for a starter. It was Alice's job to make sure they produced healthy off spring. That's why she would let them go through a couple of tests, to see who'd be the best choice to breed with.

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**Okay, this is weird but I'd give it a shot. Hope you don't mind Rico's weird love life. XD And don't worry about the female, it's only necessary to produce offspring and no one will fall in love with it. ;)**


End file.
